Neuro visit today

[kazar]

Saw my neuro today and started crying before I could answer his first question. Not a great start, but an accurate reflection of my current mental state.

He did the basic strength and reflex tests and saw absolutely nothing to indicate that I had MND. He looked at my thighs and said that I had just lost weight and there was no sign of atrophy. He was much more concerned about my mental health and presribed anti depressants on the spot and strongly urged me to press my doctor into arranging for me to be seen by a psychiatrist. I told him that I wanted an EMG to put my mind at rest and he is happy to go ahead with this, but doubts whether it will have the desired effect, claiming that he has seen people have tests repeatedly and still not be convinced that they were not going to die.

When I came out of his office, I was expecting to feel elated. Instead I felt drained and started crying uncontrollably. The fact that I didn't feel significantly relieved was a wake up call to the deep psychological problems that have underpinned this whole situation.

The bottom line is, I am an obsessive. If I wasn't totally immersed in this particular health concern, it would be something else. I was anorexic when I was 20, and have suffered with a life long eating disorder, with varying degrees of intensity for the past 25 years. It's interesting that since I have lost so much weight with worrying and anxiety, my eating disorder is in remission. Now that I have told myself that I can eat what I want whenever I want because I want to put weight back on, I hardly ever think about food. In fact, I have been so wrapped up in this bout of fear, that I feel sick most of the time, and can't eat anyway.

I need to work on the reasons why my fears have got so out control and accept fully that what I have is benign. As I am writing this I can feel all sorts of buzzing and popping going on in both legs.

In relation to the power of the mind to construct symptoms, my thighs had really been aching since going to the gym 4 days ago. It seemed to be getting worse instead of better, and I took that to be a further indicator that I was doomed. Almost as soon as I got out of my appointment this morning, it had completely disappeared. For a week or so I have also been aware of that lump in the throat feeling when you swallow and something is always there (classic anxiety, bit could easily be interpreted differently). Again this had gone by the time I was home.

Thanks to everyone who has responded to my posts recently. They have helped me through a really tough time.

Karen

[Jenn311]

Karen,

I am glad to hear all went well at the neuro. I had a feeling he would suggest anti-depressants. I think that is a great place to start. I was on them for two years after I started twitching and it made a huge difference in my life. I hope that things get better for you...I know it's tough going it alone. It's funny about what your doctor said about the EMG...mine said the same thing. She sees a lot of people obsess about their twitches: they demand EMGs, though she feels they aren't warrented, and even go to the point of going to the Mayo Clinic (a long way from Texas), and the still obsess after a clean bill of health there.

It's a long row to hoe, but you can get there by staying pro-active in your treatment. And once you start eating better you will start feeling better. I went through the same thing with my weight five years ago when I was really obsessing. I got so thin that the nurse at the school where I was teaching called me in for a meeting about eating disorders, and the principal was there as well. It was embarrasing! I hadn't realized how thin I appeared to other people. But after anti-depressant therapy I started eating well, and felt a lot better too. You'll be OK...You'll see!

If you need to chat just PM me any time. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Cheers,
Jen

[Ray]

Karen, I am so happy that all went well! Now to work on your anxiety, you'll notice that the medication will be very helpful in that regard.

Keep us in the loop!

Ray

[John]

karen,

It has been a while since I have poste here. I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone in you worries and I to have experienced the weight loss with my depression . I am a 39 year old male ,and I lost 30lbs with my depression . I am glad that you are starting on the antidepressants.
I too am now working on the reasons that I let myself get out of contol

john

[Brian_B]

its hard to get that belief out of your head even if you know you are ok

over 2 years of twitching and sometimes I still get a doubt in my head that maybe it is something serious. It gotten better over time though

[Dale]

Hi Karen - I felt the same way after seeing my Neuro. I came out of his office and really broke down. I went through this same challenge a few years ago. Believe me, once you get over this hurdle in life you will be a changed person forever!

If you ever want to talk about it, feel free to PM me anytime.

Good luck to you!

Sincerely,

Dale

[sarahtonin]

Karen - it's great that the neuro gave you a clean bill of health - though not unexpected of course. I am really pleased neverthless The neuro is probably right about the EMG.

Give the antidepressants a try - if they can help you get out of this vicious cycle of worry then it will have been well worth it.

And I would also heartily recommend a good curry...

Sarah

[garym]

Karen,

I suggest some deep relaxation techniques such as meditation. It really helped me when my anxiety was at its highest.

Great news from the neuro., do better that the rest of us, and believe him!

Gary

[kazar]

Firstly, a big thanks to everyone who has responded to my message with such warmth and support. I really appreciate it.
I am taking two weeks off work to get myself back together and get used to the anti depressants. I know I'm not out of the woods by a long way in the worrying/obsessing stakes, but I've made a start , that's the important thing.

Karen

[SusanSid]

Karen,
Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sure most of us can relate. Give the medication time to work. Medicaiton can be a great help for many people with BFS. Keep us up to date as to how you are doing.
Sue

[Dot]

Karen,
Don't beat on yourself. Antidressants and counseling could help you a lot. If you don't accept that you have BFS, BFS will plague you "forever". BFS feeds off anxiety and self focus. I am on Paxil for anxiety and obsessive worry and it has helped my BFS tremendously. Good luck

[kazar]

After my initial bout of positive thinking after the neuro visit, I seem to have slid back into my old ways of thinking/debating. I now know the hard way, just how much BFS feeds off paranoia. I am off work for the rest of this week, but I don't see how I can go back to teaching children feeling like this. The Paxil has had no noticable effect yet (apart from dry mouth and disrupted sleep patterns), but I'm sure it will kick in soon. I'm seeing my counsellor tonight, and I should be seeing a psychiatrist in the next couple of weeks. Interestingly, I've hardly twitched anywhere other than my calves, which are non stop, for a few days now. Thanks again for the support.

Karen

[Nole]

You will get through this and begin to move on with your life...it takes time, but all things are possible...Stay positive.

[Ray]

Hey Karen, you'll get through this, give the medication some time, it took my medication a good four weeks to kick in, don't be surprised that the calve twitching is still ongoing, that's the case with me. You'll find with every day that passes you'll become more relaxed and your body will tolerate the medication. Please keep us up to date!

Ray

[kazar]

I went to see my neuro for a follow up appointment today. There was a med student with him, so I gleaned a bit more info than I would have otherwise through listening to him explaining things to her.

Again he reiterated that I do not have MND, and together they looked at my calves for twitches, (of course non appeared when I wanted them to). He also said that the first place to look for muscle atrophy is a particular muscle at the side of the foot that becomes more clearly visible when the foot pushes against something (mine are fine). I was concerned that my ankles (not my best feature), were becoming thinner. He said that whether or not that was the case, it is not indicative of a serious neurological condition. He stressed that muscle weakness is the key symptom to look for, and I have none. He also said that twitching for 10 months without weakness points clearly to BFS and away from anything else. I mentioned my perceived recently "flattened" feet and he has arranged for an x ray. This got me worried, but he said the only reason he was doing it was to prove to me that my arches have not dropped. He's also repeating the blood tests, again to put my mind at rest. I've got to go back in two months.

I had to wait for over two hours at the hospital to be seen, and if that had been the case three weeks ago, I would have been a nervous wreck. It's a sign that the Paxil has well and truly kicked in that I was able to chat to other patients and not really think too much about myself. I also conducted myself like an adult during the consultation rather than the child in me that surfaced rather embarrassingly last time!!

I hope my experience is of some comfort to any new members who may be going through the miserable mind games that I, and many others here have endured.

Karen