by Yuliasir on December 14th, 2015, 3:36 am
do you have somebody - a priest if you are a believer, a therapist, just a close friend to talk about your status? When I was in my worst fears and was annoying all the family with the awful pictures of my future, my husband, at least, said reluctantly that he would not leave me until the end. He also was not very suppoting in my fears. Nobody ususally is. But I had a therapist whos was staying beside me with my most deepest fears. And that had helped.
Uncertainity is one of the most killers for us. Being certain about dreadful diagnosis, one still could plan the rest of the life and regains CONTROL, which is important. I remember that one of the fellows, Tobias, who was falsely diagnosed with ALS, told in his story that after his diagnosis was cancelled, he first regreted about that. Because yes he was granted with his life back - and had to return to job, etc. while he already had planned some at least few months of peace, travelling and just a complete control. Disease might give him minimum few weeks of happiness and control he never could allow for him in healthy condition - and he lost this gift (but recovered his life).
I do bot know what is going on with you. But I have an example in my own family, when my granny had 20 years of torments (real torments) just becasue of IBS. It was 'all in her head' - not in the head but in the soul, heavily injured by hard childhood, ukrainian famine of 1932 and war. IBS pains are neurogenic and could not be relieved by regular drugs, and who would prescribe opiates to an old lady not having cancer (even in case of cancer it would be a problem in our country). She was really badly suffering on my eyes for 20 years, sure she has bowel cancer, and really pleading the Death to come and take her, and died in 88 years due to stroke (today is her memory day, that is why I remember her, maybe). And there was nobody to heal her soul and stop her pain journey.
If the testing would not reveal nothing going on in your body - then I think, after 2 years of feeling bad, you would ned to turn to your soul, to your personal history and journey to see what is tearing you apart.
In any case there should be somebody near you physically - a medical person, a spiritual person, a coach, a freind - somebody has to be, as nobody has to go solo on this way.