by Xina535 on August 2nd, 2015, 1:29 pm
It's been awhile....I've been better mentally, I owe it all to Cymbalta and partly to Seroquel. It has worked wonders on my anxiety, panic, depression, sleep problem. They have given me a terrible constipation problem, so I am battling that with different drinks, teas, etc. Up until the last week, I totally forgot about all of my fears and symptoms. I've been cooking more, going out more, enjoying and laughing more. I've noticed that I'm eating and sleeping better, and losing less hair. The terrible thoughts I had went away.
About the hospital. They called and told me they had a bed and to come in and check in. I lugged two big bags with me on a bus and train, got to the check in center, all hopeful and scared, but feeling ready....and long story short, they denied me and sent me back home. All because I am not a resident of the city they are in (Düsseldorf). I live in a bordering city. And due to the demand within their own city, they turned me away. They had plenty of opportunity (about a month worth of appointments and calling every day to see if a bed was available), to tell me this, but did not. So the doctor who had been prescribing me the meds and seeing me, had to apologize to me up and down and send me home. I was to call the psyche hospital in my city and see about staying there. The BIG difference is that the one in my city is not multi-disciplinary, meaning, they are ONLY a psycho hospital and have no neurology department. The program at the Düsseldorf hospital would have included full neuro work-ups. I have yet to call the hospital in my city. I lost a HUGE amount of trust. I was pained in many ways when they turned me away....for a long time.
So, because I had been feeling better, I decided to go back to the gym and do light exercises. I've been 3 times now over the last two weeks, my hubby has come with me for moral support. And now, since this last week, my worries and fears are coming back.
My entire body, just from 3 times of light exercises, is constantly twitching. All day, all over. I'm having more of these myoclonic jerks, where a limb will just whip out, like a big limb twitch. At least 3 times within 5 minutes. My left arm is still not right. I did have a neuro appt with a brand new neuro on my left arm recently, deltoid, where I had an abnormal EMG before, and the EMG was normal this time. But I still get pain all within the deltoid, often. The Cymbalta should help it, and it does I think a little, but not entirely. My left leg problem has come back, since doing the light exercises on the REHAB machines, not even the weight machines.
Now - I smoked marijuana last night. Afterwards, I just laid there, totally still, and meditated on my body. This may sound strange, but I could literally mark up/draw up the left leg nerve that is bothering me, from the lower back down to my foot. It goes over my butt, then to the outside of my left thigh, then the side of my calf, then crosses over to go under my foot. This one nerve pathway felt like it was LIT UP , like it was the only nerve pathway I could really feel. It felt full of energy like as if it was about to do a big jolt, but it didn't...it felt restless. Then I felt the same thing later in my left arm (deltoid). And while I was laying there, paying attention to what was going on, I had several myclonic jerks. Also, over the last month, I started getting the feeling of hot water being poured down my calf. I thought at first that I peed on myself. I thought it would go away, but it's still here.
So now I am back to realizing and fearing my symptoms. I know something is happening, something is not normal. What is it? Why do I have this neuropathy and nerve "hyperexcitability" with the twitching and jerking? Especially since I've been anxiety free and happy actually, for a while now?
I posted something about hyperexcitability in the General forum, an article that was published. Also, July was my 2 year mark since twitching.
