by justwantittostop on May 10th, 2014, 6:24 pm
So glad to have read this post. I have been a lurker for 5+ years, always too nervous to post. This post had me in tears. I am a 35 y/o female (also a computer programmer) and also have a serious history of health anxiety (hypochondria...). It started when I was 19 and my sister was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. This was 16 years ago and she is still alive and kicking with two beautiful girls of her own! After our scare with her, I was convinced I was next, and that whatever I got, since she was cured, whatever I'd get would be the end-all, be-all. Totally irrational, I know..but that is how my hypochondria took root. I diagnosed myself with skin cancer and had moles removed that doctors tested and told me were perfectly normal. I thought I had bone cancer when I had an ache in my arm that didn't go away. Anytime I heard of someone who had some form of cancer, I'd do the "checking" to make sure I didn't have it. I had a kidney stone once and was sure that was the end. I had a swollen node in my neck that was biopsied and is negative and has never grown in size, but I still constantly check it to make sure it's the same. I could go on... I've had two children and both pregnancies were not easy and were 9 months (x2) of serious anxiety. The twitching started in my baby toe sometime between my first and second child. I remember asking my OB if maybe it was pregnancy related (at the time I couldn't really have told you if it started before or after I got pregnant) and she said, "probably...pregnancy does weird things". When it didn't go away after giving birth I figured it was still the pregnancy hormones. When it was still there a year later, I googled it. You know the rest of the story....went down the complete and utter panic path and was absolutely convinced I was on death's door. Went to the doc who seemed totally unconcerned but ordered the EMG and referred me to a neuro because she could tell how upset I was. I've since been to 2 neuros 3 times, and each time they have assured me I'm fine. Just twitchy. At this time, it was still just my little toe, sometimes my big toe, and my lips/chin. I'd get the little finger bumps here and there too. I was given a prescription for Klonopin and saw a counselor for a while. All last year I was "better". Still twitching but generally ignoring it and not letting it get to me. Then in January, I had a friend who's husband was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and I had a major downward spiral. The anxiety it caused me, worrying for her and her family re-ignited my twitches, and this time they came back with a vengeance. I twitch now in places I never did before - calfs, neck, elbows, knees, eyelids, etc. This of course just fed the flames and once again I was convinced that I had some horrible disease (at this time confident it was not ALS or anything along those lines), but what could it be?? Surely, I would tell myself, I'm just some freak with some unknown medical disease that is progressing...and what's next? The fear and worry is like a chicken/egg (which came first?)...the twitching gets worse because of the anxiety and the anxiety causes more twitching. I was on the verge of a panic attack (and have already made another appt with my neuro, who of course can't get me in until July, which is also stress inducing b/c I want answers NOW!) when I finally came back here. I think it was more than coincidence that I found this post. It is EXACTLY my experience. I actually had a handle on the twitching, but just last Tuesday woke up from a horrible nightmare that caused a major surge of adrenaline - the kind that warms your whole body and sends your heart pouding, and sure enough here I am a few days later with re-ignited twitching and re-ignited worry. I realize that I'm letting this control me and I need to break free of it. I have a long road ahead, but this post gives me so much more hope!! Is there a place that has more veteran stories like this? IT's so helpful, especially when you feel alone and that no one can relate to your experience. My family all think I'm nuts and that this is just another one of my self-diagnosed problems. I'm ranting now...but thank you SO much.