cancer forum/losing loved ones

Use this area for any non-BFS related conversation

Moderators: JohnV, Arron, garym

cancer forum/losing loved ones

Postby garym on August 21st, 2007, 8:46 pm

I joined a cancer forum today....I hope that it is as good a site as this one. It is just crazy that ten years (this month) after my dad died, my father-in-law is dx'd with lung cancer. And the craziest thing is that we just found out today that my father-in-laws brother, who is 3 years older, was just dx'd with lung cancer and told that he only has a few months to live! Not good times around my house. Sorry for rambling....

Take care,

Gary
garym
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 1889
Joined: August 23rd, 2003, 1:24 pm
Location: Texas

Postby k9ck on August 21st, 2007, 9:27 pm

Gary,
You must in enormous amount of stress. Prayers are being sent your way.

Terri
k9ck
Hero
Hero
 
Posts: 459
Joined: July 24th, 2006, 2:48 pm

Postby aussiekate on August 21st, 2007, 10:56 pm

Oh Gary, I am so sorry, you and your family are really being put through the wringer at the moment.
My thoughts are with you.
Kate
aussiekate
Senior Member
Senior Member
 
Posts: 71
Joined: July 5th, 2007, 8:39 pm

Postby Moeygirl on August 22nd, 2007, 6:32 am

Oh my, you and your family have a lot to think about and deal with. I'm so sorry Gary. Hey, cancer is not a death sentence... you remember that.

My Grandma at 80 years old was dx'd with colon cancer and during surgery they found it had perforated the intestinal wall. The doc walked out very grim and said she had probably six months to live. She tried chemo but just couldn't tolerate it at all. She basically just wanted to live her life out on her own.

She's been cancer free now for nine years and walks in the Relay for Life every year. Miracles do happen... it's a lot to deal with but the outcome isn't always bad.

Warm hug-
Melissa
That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little run. " F. Gump
Moeygirl
Selfless giver of time
Selfless giver of time
 
Posts: 123
Joined: October 14th, 2006, 1:13 pm
Location: Indianapolis, IN

Postby kit on August 22nd, 2007, 4:46 pm

Gary,
Yes sometimes when it rains..... My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Kit
"Life is not always what one wants it to be, but to make the best of it, as it is, is the only way of being happy"
kit
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 646
Joined: May 3rd, 2007, 3:07 pm
Location: USA

Postby Christina on August 22nd, 2007, 4:49 pm

Go with Melissa, and her Grandma on this one Gary. Try to keep as positive an attitude as you can, I know it is hard. Try to take time to relax, and gather you strength so will be not be a wreck when you are needed.

I will keep you in my thoughts..a nice person like you I am sure will be in a lot of prayers.

Christina
Life is short. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly.
Christina
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 952
Joined: September 14th, 2005, 8:45 am
Location: New York

Postby garym on August 22nd, 2007, 8:04 pm

Thanks guys!!

Gary
garym
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 1889
Joined: August 23rd, 2003, 1:24 pm
Location: Texas

Postby wjjw on August 23rd, 2007, 7:28 pm

I agree with Melissa that it’s not a death sentence. My father beat cancer 20 years before he died last summer from other problems. But even a death sentence is not the end of the story. Keep this in mind when you do “lose” someone you love, they are never lost. They are very aware of what is happening and what we are feeling, and the do not want us to wallow in grief. They want us to be happy for them. Don’t ever forget that.

http://www.near-death.com/evidence.html

http://www.explorejournal.com/article/PIIS155083070600454X/fulltext
A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, of the manifestations of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which are only accessible to our reason in their most elementary forms--Albert Einstein
User avatar
wjjw
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 1400
Joined: September 24th, 2005, 2:39 pm

Postby basso on August 23rd, 2007, 7:38 pm

Bill, I don't doubt the veracity of your claim, but geez, will I have to put up with my mother...again. :x

Basso
basso
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 2359
Joined: April 28th, 2005, 7:17 pm

Postby wjjw on August 23rd, 2007, 7:56 pm

basso wrote:Bill, I don't doubt the veracity of your claim

I’m sure you don’t, and you didn’t even have to read it, did you. :wink:

basso wrote:but geez, will I have to put up with my mother...again.

No big deal. What did you do when she got on your case at home? Went to your room, right? Well, haven’t you heard “in my Father’s house are many mansions?”
A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, of the manifestations of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which are only accessible to our reason in their most elementary forms--Albert Einstein
User avatar
wjjw
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 1400
Joined: September 24th, 2005, 2:39 pm

Postby AndyTwitchalot on August 27th, 2007, 9:38 am

hey gary; as a cancer survivor I wish I had more wisdom or insight to shed on this post. I just wanted to briefly put my voice out there as someone who is 13 years out of treatment and doing fine (other than, you know...twitching)

It's weird how something like cancer can put twitches in perspective. Obviously the big C can make fasciculations seem like nothing, but that's true for almost anything. It was always weird going from being the only bald kid in junior high to going to clinic and sitting next to a 4 year old girl with a brain tumor. Sometimes it can provide balance and perspective, and other times it just creates a really confusing dichotomy. Things didn't seem to add up, and it left me feeling more perplexed than anything. And other times it provided a sort of clarity and perspective to my situation and the situations of those around me. It must feel similar bouncing back and forth between a forum on cancer and one on benign fasciculations.

I'm not sure what I'm saying here really-- I guess that looking at cancer and bfs side by side can put the twitching into perspective while simultaneously not taking anything away from bfs. You would think that having gone through cancer, I would just laugh at bfs, but I haven't. In fact, there are weird things that I miss about cancer treatment that aren't present in BFS; namely a specific diagnosis. With hodgkins disease it was like: "we saw a lump, we took a biopsy, here is what it is, this is how were gonna make it better." It was that almost empirical A+B=C, with A being a diagnosis, B being the treatment and C being cured. I don't want anyone to misread this, because the A was scary and the B was horrible. But with BFS you get this weird, ambiguous, "kind of" diagnosis, no real treatment and no definite end in sight. That's a crappy mental burden.

I'd be interested to hear what your experiences are like on the cancer forums. I'm really sorry to hear what you and your family have already gone through with your father, and what they are going through now. You guys are definitely in my thoughts and prayers.
User avatar
AndyTwitchalot
Hero
Hero
 
Posts: 270
Joined: March 3rd, 2007, 8:35 am

Postby garym on August 27th, 2007, 11:19 am

Andy,

Thanks so much for taking the time to share you story/comments....I really appreciate it.

Take care,

Gary
garym
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 1889
Joined: August 23rd, 2003, 1:24 pm
Location: Texas

Postby SuziQ on August 27th, 2007, 3:35 pm

For what it's worth, I've heard very positive things about Cancer Treatment Centers of America. From folks who had been given very little hope.

Blessings,
Sue
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain
User avatar
SuziQ
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 2139
Joined: March 23rd, 2005, 10:36 am

Postby sharon slack on August 27th, 2007, 6:48 pm

Hi,

Gosh, there is so many people touched by Cancer and if anything Gary I hope it doesn't make you feel so alone and if we can feed you some positive info I hope it helps.
My now 13 year old daughter when she was 3 was diagnosed with a Wilms Tumour (SuziQ being a nurse has probably heard of these)a rare form of childhood kidney cancer. It was a devastating diagnosis and the chemo operation etc was extremely hard. It's a hard way to learn about the important things in life. I think positive vibes definately help, kids are so amazing and adults could really learn from them. 5 days after my daughter had an operation to have her kidney removed she jumped off a rocking horse in the hospital play room. I nearly died on the spot because it honestly must have hurt like hell but she was far to busy with life to let it hurt. I know every form of cancer is different but I think surrounded by the people who love you and a good mental attitude is a real head start. I hope your father-in-law gets well, I feel for you as losing your Dad and then going through this again has got to be the biggest blow ever.
I sincerely wish you and your family the very best.

Sharon
sharon slack
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 855
Joined: September 22nd, 2006, 6:07 am

Must be fate...

Postby massagefan16 on August 28th, 2007, 8:40 am

Hi Gary,

I haven't logged on for quite a while and was just feeling so off this morning that I decided to check and see whether Jeff's baby was born yet and see how Jen was doing with her pregnancy, to bring a little happiness to my day. I just found out yesterday that my grandfather is very sick with cancer so it was ironic (or fate) that the first thing I saw when I logged on was your post. We have a very small family (my parent's are divorced and on my mothers side....she and I are both only children....it's my mom, myself, and my grandparents). My mother has been estranged from her parents for quite a while , my grandmother is a very difficult women. But, growing up I was always very close with my grandfather- spent every weekend at their house. I had an argument with my grandmother back in May and decided that her constant negativity wasn't something I needed in my life. Of course, she is so controlling that it also made it next to impossible to continue a relationship with my grandfather. I finally broke the ice a few weeks ago because I'm usually the peacemaker when our family goes through these things. When I went over there I was shocked to see how awful my grandfather looked- very sick and had clearly lost a lot of weight ...all over a period of a couple months. He went to the doctors and he told me they didn't find anything but I knew something was very wrong. One thing led to another and more tests showed lymphoma. I have clients that have had NHL and been perfectly fine but my grandfather is 82 and I feel he may opt out of treatment (I'm going with him to the doctors on Thursday). It's not so much the cancer , as I know he's lived a long life, but the fact that I want to see his time left here be happy- my grandmother is just such a negative, self-serving person that I fear that is impossible. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that someone else out here is going through some of the same things- we're all connected in more ways than just a bunch of computers.

Shelley
Quiet your mind. The quieter you become, the more you hear.
User avatar
massagefan16
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 1008
Joined: August 30th, 2006, 5:03 pm
Location: Massachusetts

Must be fate...

Sponsor

Sponsor
 

Next

Return to The Lounge (Off-Topic Conversations)

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests