My joy container is too small

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My joy container is too small

Postby tewest99 on November 19th, 2006, 4:11 am

This is REALLY weird. We moved back into our same old apartment we had last year and I am sitting in the same place, on the same forum, using the same computer, typing to the same people, BUT ... in a much different mindset.

Thank God !!!

This is the most amazing feeling. I was wondering of being back here would bring back some old, poor behaviours. After all, everything blew up right here.

But as it is, this is the most incredible thing that has happened to me in some time. I'm watching my wife and kids sleeping, it's amazing.

It feels good to be on top. And I've learned some things that will help me make it through future difficulties.

I've had more than a few situations that could/should have set me back but I was able to stand on what I had learned and stay victorious. I remember one Saturday when I was too depressed to get out of bed. After about 2:00 in the afternoon I stood up and said BULLS**T... NO EFFING WAY, I'm not doing this again. I have no interest/intention of repeating most of the events of last year. I'm glad to be right here, right now !!!

Could not have done it without a God who loves the chiefest of sinners and couldn;t have done it wothout the people He has put in my life, of which, my BFS friends played a HUGE role ...

Thanks everyone for your encouragement over the past year. I won't be so bold as to claim a premature total victory but I am REALLY close...

Hugs and kisses to all of you !!!
tewest99
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Postby tewest99 on November 19th, 2006, 8:31 pm

that was short lived :cry:
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Postby sharon slack on November 20th, 2006, 4:04 am

Hey there,

It sounds all good with you. Believe me I have had a similar situation, as in falling into a bit hole!, unfortunately mine wasn't quite the happy ending as far as the marriage went. But good on ya, you sound like you have tried really hard to get it all together. People just dont understand the dreadful feeling of fear certain things in life can bring. BUT... you have survived and your on the up and up so thats all good!!. Sometimes you just have to fight those demons. It must be really strange living in the same place again, but like you said your making it a whole lot more succesful this time.
All the very very best to you.

Sharon
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Postby tewest99 on November 20th, 2006, 4:24 pm

Looks like this one may cost my marriage. I'm filing for a legal separation today. Being called a whole slew of horrible names, and a thousand other things I can't mention are my wifes way of trying to keep me in the bondage of depression so she can "run the show". But this time I am much stronger and I won't lie down like a victim. Which makes her so angry that she has resorted to violence (which landed her in the county jail), and calling me terrible names in front of the children, running off all hours of the night to the neglect of the kids, etc.

All that said and done, I have to look after my children and with an abduction case and spousal abuse charge on her record, I don't think I'll have any problem getting custody of my kids and taking care of them.

It's no surprise that the abuse I have put up with like this (for 5 years) is the thing that caused my depression and anxiety, not to mention BFS. We've tried 4 counselors (picked by her), 2 pastors, and they all said the same thing "Troy, you have more than sufficient grounds to leave this marriage". "Your wife is only here to try to gather evidence against you, she is not interested in working on the relationship ..." I'm not sure what I am holding onto at this point, just want what's best for my kids.

The whole BFS thing is pretty much behind me, at least 95% anyway, to the point where it is not effecting my life in a negative way. But it has shown me what I didn't want to admit and that is that having a relationship with someone who is an emotional wreck, will bleed off on you and drag you down, making you twice the victim. The only thing to do is break that tie and move on with life before it ends and you have nothing to show for the time. And pray for the other who needs help and hope they get the help they need before they squander their few years on this earth by de-personalizing everyone into an enemy.

I am thankful through all of this that the source of my BFS suffering has been made known and I CAN do something about it. It will be up to her to make the necessary changes to bring joy into her life. I can't force that, but I can pray and give as much of myself as I can without getting swallowed up in someone else's misery.

Sorry to hear things didn't work out for your relationship. I am a firm believer in many chances and the future can hald many things that we don't expect. I never say never, I am always hopeful but I have to be sensible as well...

I hope your BFS is not causing you too much grief. I think a lot of folks on this board are suffering through many similar things and they are the root cause for our BFS. I just take comnfort in the fact that the B is for Benign :-)
tewest99
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Postby sharon slack on November 20th, 2006, 5:57 pm

Hi,

It's good that your feeling strong. I believe that if a relationship is damaging and your have tried all you can then there is no point in being in it.
My marriage did end, but we both have enormous respect for each other, It wasn't an easy decision after 18 years, and really wasn't my choice but I respected the decision that was made. I think it was of great benefit to me in the long run.
I hope you work through it, everyone deserves to be well treated, and of course the children are a priority.


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Postby tewest99 on November 21st, 2006, 4:19 am

Thanks everyone for the encouraging PM's. It touches my heart :cry:

God bless you all :-)
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