I found his mother!!

Use this area for any non-BFS related conversation

Moderators: JohnV, Arron, garym

I found his mother!!

Postby Jennhaz on November 2nd, 2006, 2:50 pm

OMG guys I had to share this...I have been secretly searching for my fiance's birthmother and father AND I FOUND THEM...My mother and I have been working on this and finally the search is over. I even found his Uncles and Grandmother. Long story short..My fiance was adopted at birth and his adoptive parents divorced and his mother that adopted him put him back in a foster home when he was 5, yes she had him for 5 years and gave him up but his Dad got him back. Anyway I have been searching for him and finally got the mothers number and father. I cannot wait to tell him, actually thinking about giving him the info for Christmas...I do not know if I should call her first to make sure it is a happy thing or not because I do not want him to be hurt if he calls and she hangs up. I would just not give him any info if that is the case. Any suggestions...Nervous wreck do not know what to do...Jenn
Jesus bore my sickness and carried my pain. Therefore I give no place to sickness or pain. For God sent His Word and healed me. (Ps.107:20)

"Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans!!"
Jennhaz
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 1530
Joined: July 14th, 2006, 6:28 am

Postby SuziQ on November 2nd, 2006, 3:25 pm

Hi Jenn,
Wow, what an awesome gift. Whether to contact her in advance I think depends on how you found her. Was she listed in a registry, or did you come upon this information more secretly?

If it were me, I would definitely try to speak to her before telling your fiance, because it allows her the option of saying "no," whereas, if he just calls her out of the blue, she really doesn't have any sort of buffer zone, you know? And, it protects him from any heartbreak from her shocked reaction, or...rejection.

The thing is, you never know what sort of life she has made for herself, and it may be that she has a husband and children of her own and has put her past behind her. She may have never told her current husband about the little boy she put up for adoption. You just never know.

At least if you call her first, and she doesn't want to get to know her son, (as sad as that would seem,) you can just act as if you'd never found her, no harm done to your fiance.

Does that make sense?

Of course, I'll be praying for a happy ending for everyone...

Blessings,
Sue
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain
User avatar
SuziQ
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 2139
Joined: March 23rd, 2005, 10:36 am

Postby Jennhaz on November 2nd, 2006, 4:41 pm

Very good sense!! I found her secretly, she was not down on a registry that I could see anyway. I have found her, father, Uncles, grandmother... I have a lady from one of the sights that has been helping me and she thought and I thought she should call since she does this sort of thing and has more experience and then take it from there. I just do not want him to do it at first because if she doesnt want anything to do with him then he will be heartbroken. It looks like she had a son by the same father as my fiance(full brother here) and it looks as if she has not had anymore but has remarried later in life. Long story but anyway I wanted to share some good news and pray to the Lord that everything will work out without anyone getting hurt....Jenn..God Bless..Thanks Sue.
Jesus bore my sickness and carried my pain. Therefore I give no place to sickness or pain. For God sent His Word and healed me. (Ps.107:20)

"Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans!!"
Jennhaz
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 1530
Joined: July 14th, 2006, 6:28 am

Postby massagefan16 on November 3rd, 2006, 12:48 am

I'd call her first- but I wouldn't keep the info from your fiancee either way. Those kind of secrets weigh on you and it would probably come out and some point anyway and he may be hurt that you didn't tell him when you found out (though, I wouldn't give it as a Christmas gift if it wasn't a happy thing! ...save that one for after the holidays). Either way, I'm sure he'll LOVE the effort you went through to get the information!

Shelley
User avatar
massagefan16
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 1008
Joined: August 30th, 2006, 5:03 pm
Location: Massachusetts

Postby Jennhaz on November 3rd, 2006, 7:12 am

Shelley,
Thanks for the reply and you are right about the xmas thing. The reason I want to call and if she is not open to it and I do not tell him is because I do not want him to hurt again. I know things can weigh on someone, I dont care if it does to me, I do care if it does to him. The reason I say that is because he has been hurt so many times by a mother figure. His adopted mother left him and his adoptedsister when he was 5 and then his father married his stepmother and she was so mean to him growing up, he does not like this lady whatsoever. I do not blame him because I have met her and have heard so many stories I cannot believe the poor guy is even normal..That is why I would probably hide it until or if he ever wanted to know. I know he does want to know but he has such mixed feelings about it so that is why I am going to hang on to the info and probably call her, see how that goes. We alredy tried to call but the number I have is disconnected but trying a different one today. I am just going to play by ear right now and see how it goes but do want to know about any health issures also since he and I will be wanting children and starting late in life I want to make sure about any medical issues for him and my hopefully future children. Ok guys I will keep you posted..Jenn
Jesus bore my sickness and carried my pain. Therefore I give no place to sickness or pain. For God sent His Word and healed me. (Ps.107:20)

"Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans!!"
Jennhaz
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 1530
Joined: July 14th, 2006, 6:28 am

Postby Chris swl on November 3rd, 2006, 8:09 am

Hi

This is a sad story, hopfuly one that ends well and i'm sure it will.
i had a similar upbriging, although not adopted, so i know how your fiance feels.

I think all the replies you have had make sense so the only thing left for me to do is wish you the best of luck and i'm sure you will have a long and happy future together.

God Bless you both!

Chris
Good luck to all with BFS/BCFS
User avatar
Chris swl
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 663
Joined: December 13th, 2005, 2:48 pm
Location: UK

Postby massagefan16 on November 3rd, 2006, 8:49 am

Well let us know how it goes- it's an exciting story, especially if you get some good news! Move over Oprah, here comes Jenn...
User avatar
massagefan16
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 1008
Joined: August 30th, 2006, 5:03 pm
Location: Massachusetts

Postby Christina on November 3rd, 2006, 10:02 am

Hi Jenn,

This can be a very exciting thing. Six years ago I ran across the information that my husbands Father was not really his biological Father. He was adopted by another man...who was an alcoholic and very abusive, this speaks volumes about my Mother-in-law....but we will save that for another post!

She kept this information from him because she wanted to protect her own reputation (long story), she even let my husband be tested for something that ran in his (adoptive) Fathers family...like his other brother so he would not find out?

To make a long long story a little shorter, one of my twins was having some health issues and we were a little worried, and taking her to a specialist...I asked my Mother in law for a complete family history of my husbands Fahter (now dead) or who I though was his Father (confusing, I know)...out of the blue she decides to tell me on the phone ...well no need to worry about him, he isn't his real Dad anyway....his real Father is so and so. She then tells me a name that I never heard in my life....So I then tell my husband who is shocked (and a little sad that she is still his REAL mother)...and we go to the Dr....and Courtney (my daughter) is fine.

Now we have this new information. I, at the time was very good friends with a private investigator..who I even did some work for once in a while. We were able to find him in 5 minutes. He was alive and living in Florida. My husband (the coward) asked if I would call...so I did. Turns out that he signed his rights away to my husband because he was blackmailed into it by my Mother in law....long story (pm me if you want to know) I found out that my husband had 3 brothers, and 2 sisters! And they all lived within a 30 mile spread of us. My kids now had countless cousins. I asked him a lot of questions and he answered them all. I then asked him if there was anything he wanted to know, and he asked me about our children (his grandchildren) and then began to cry and he asked me if his son was a good man. That made me cry...and I told him yes, he was the best , and that he could be very proud of him. I gave him my number. I didnt know where it would go. Within 3 weeks ALL of his sisters and brothers called....and we arrranged meetings with all of them. They all knew of him, and had seen pictures of the little boy who was adopted. They didn't ever know his last name so they could not find him.

Well since then we have been accepted into a nice family, we of course had all our own traditions in place...but we do what we can. They always include us...Christenings, Communions, Graduations, Weddings...they call my husband "our Brother from another Mother"...and they love him. I wish I could say it was perfect... a little bit we are always going to be the other ones....we don't know the family history and no matter how many pictures they show us, my husband feels that something is missing there. But it is what it is, and thats o.k.

I told my Mother-in-law that we were going to see his Dad, and meet his siblings. She now will not speak to any of us, even our children (5 years now) she says we are now "dead". This is really odd behaviour and I am afraid to say that I have no patience for it anymore. My husband will not even speak her name.

Sorry to hit you with MY long story...but a funny note is that my husbands REAL last name should be Partridge, lol. Now we all sing in our house, and our friends got the biggest laugh out of this because we would have been "The Partridge Family". We all decided to stick with the last name that we have now...even though we are really not related to one person on earth with this name. For a while we did kick around a few new last names...and have some laugh's at the ones our kids picked. We told the kids will just have to be the first of this name and create our own history with it, and make it a name that their own children can be proud to carry because of what they will do with it.

Hope all works out well for you !!

Love,

Christina
Christina
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 952
Joined: September 14th, 2005, 8:45 am
Location: New York

Postby Jennhaz on November 3rd, 2006, 10:46 am

Awww Christina, what life brings us...You brought tears to my eyes, that is so sad but it is a wonderul story. It shows that it does not matter where we come from but what and who we are is what matters. I think that it is amazing that you and your family find each other in comfort and is so refreshing as you do not see it much anymore. It is a terrible thing that your husband's mother can and could do this to him and her grandchildren but it is her that will answer for that. God Bless..Jenn
Jesus bore my sickness and carried my pain. Therefore I give no place to sickness or pain. For God sent His Word and healed me. (Ps.107:20)

"Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans!!"
Jennhaz
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 1530
Joined: July 14th, 2006, 6:28 am

Postby basso on November 4th, 2006, 12:11 pm

I, at the time was very good friends with a private investigator..who I even did some work for once in a while.


Why does this not surprise me. :wink:

That is a great story Christina, WOW.

Good luck Jenn, I think SuziQ's advice is best. How wonderful of you to have taken the time, and put in the effort. You fiance is lucky indeed to have someone so thoughtful and caring in his corner.

Basso
basso
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 2359
Joined: April 28th, 2005, 7:17 pm

Postby Jennhaz on November 4th, 2006, 1:18 pm

Basso,


You telling me I am thoughtful and caring :oops: ...I dont deserve that after I went off on you for the second time..but thank you very much. I am sorry you had to be the one to take my psycho behavior not only once but twice. I tell ya..but the counseling is helping. I told my counselor you have to do something with me or my support group is going to through me out and mind you it is only on the internet, imagine what people want to do to me in person..lol..Jenn
Jesus bore my sickness and carried my pain. Therefore I give no place to sickness or pain. For God sent His Word and healed me. (Ps.107:20)

"Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans!!"
Jennhaz
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 1530
Joined: July 14th, 2006, 6:28 am

Postby Jens_twitch on November 5th, 2006, 2:11 pm

If we were all here in person we would not throw you out we would stick you and basso in the middle of a big group hug!!!
Jens_twitch
Hero
Hero
 
Posts: 295
Joined: October 28th, 2006, 10:03 am
Location: Edwardsville, IL

Postby Jennhaz on November 5th, 2006, 2:52 pm

Awww thanks Jenn...Jenn
Jesus bore my sickness and carried my pain. Therefore I give no place to sickness or pain. For God sent His Word and healed me. (Ps.107:20)

"Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans!!"
Jennhaz
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 1530
Joined: July 14th, 2006, 6:28 am

Postby basso on November 5th, 2006, 3:50 pm

Yay...I like hugging. :D

Basso
basso
Saint
Saint
 
Posts: 2359
Joined: April 28th, 2005, 7:17 pm

Sponsor

Sponsor
 


Return to The Lounge (Off-Topic Conversations)

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests