BFS Cure

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BFS Cure

Postby basso on August 25th, 2005, 10:49 pm

Dear BFSers:

While perusing the dusty nether regions of a local second hand book store I came upon a most amazing treatise on BFS, except it wasn't called that. The author coined the name Voluptuous Epidermis or VE. Apparently there was a massive outbreak of fasciculating during a church service in a little town in Bavaria in the 1800's. Don't laugh this is true! Even the pastor was twitching. Some people thought it was the devil, but an enlightened baker from the village declared that it was poisoned dough from the travelling Prezel Salesman (who had all but cornered the market on Brezels). So they did what any sensible villager of the 1800's would do when afflicted with the mob mentality, they ripped him to pieces. It must be remarked that in an amazing show of compassion they salted him before burial.

It would be fifty years before another outbreak was recorded; that being in an equally small and sleepy village in Suffolk, England. This time it happened at a wedding, where such a fist fight broke out that some historians believe it was the actual forerunner to football hooliganism. This time a member of the landed gentry, who was an amateur astronomer, noted that the outbreak of twitching happened precisely at the same moment that Venus was at closest proximity to the earth in it's orbit. He was roundly chastised for his theory, and henceforth sat at the back of the pub getting stupifyingly drunk and spoke no more. However, a Dr. Gradus ad Parnassum, noted that the skin seemed to move when people were in fits of passion, and so the term Voluptuous Epidermis came into being. DR. Gradus was an extremely curious man, and also very, very horny (but I digress) and so he devoted his life to study the bizarre phenomenon of VE.

After studying VE for 30 years, at the ripe old age of 60 he brought forth his treatise entitled, "VE It's Cure and The Meaning of Life." The proof was in the pudding and all the villagers were cured of their twitching malady. Only one copy survives, the one that I have, because of a devastating fire that burned the entire village to the ground. The fire was blamed on the poor Dr., most probably because he had slept with just about everyone's wife, and so he fled to London where he lived out his life as lowly grave digger

Anyway onto the cure. DR. Gradus surmised that .......shoot where did I put that paper....heck...is it....OMG....Rex, take that out of your mouth right now, RIGHT NOW.....Crap...stop slobbering...oh, oh, he's gone out the door...*beep*...REX, STOP....REEEEEEEEEX......
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Postby jodi 69 on August 26th, 2005, 8:20 am

Basso...thanks for the laugh...I needed that today :wink:
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Postby Schuey on August 27th, 2005, 3:21 am

LOL!!!!
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Postby basso on September 5th, 2005, 1:40 pm

Update: It appears as though Rex flew out the door with a different book: West Nile Virus as Described in Ancient Egypt) It is from the second tablet of the Rosetta Stone and entirely in Hieroglyphics; very hard reading. Anyway, whew!

Now to the BFS cure, just a second...it's on the last page, darn...I left some amber on the shelf next to the book, which is next to a window and it's melted the last two pages together. Uh....this is going to take some time..I'll get back.

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Postby smnbfstoo on September 5th, 2005, 1:57 pm

Basso, I truly LOVE your posts. They always make me feel better. I just don't think you realize what a wonderful human spirit you are!!!!!!! Thanks for being you and for being with us. :D
Sharon
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