time for a humour break

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time for a humour break

Postby seeking_calm on July 9th, 2004, 12:47 pm

Got this in my email and thought it was funny. :D


We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find one mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? One may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren.

The masculine pronouns are he, his, and him, but the feminine cannot be she, shis, and shim.

And here are some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking
1. A bandage was wound around a wound.
2. A farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. They decided to polish the Polish furniture.
5. I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present her present.
8. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
9. When disturbed, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object he offered as objective proof.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. A buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. I had to subject the subject to a series of subjective tests.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.

Multiple pronunciations can also mess up your mind! For example.
If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!

English is crazy.
There is no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
And English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take our language for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If you have a bunch of odds and ends, and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it -- one odd or one end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

Finally, for all you kids, if your Dad is Pop, how come your Mom isn't Mop?

:wink: So true! English is crazy.
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Joined: June 6th, 2004, 5:45 pm
Location: Toronto

Postby Ginlyn on July 10th, 2004, 8:00 pm

This is great!

Would it be okay if I copy and email this to my sister?

Thanks for a good laugh! :lol:
Posts: 1511
Joined: June 13th, 2004, 3:08 am

Postby seeking_calm on July 10th, 2004, 11:15 pm

no prob. Help yourself.

Anybody else have a good joke to share? :wink:
Posts: 34
Joined: June 6th, 2004, 5:45 pm
Location: Toronto



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