Jokes

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Jokes

Postby Angie on March 15th, 2008, 6:44 pm

I found these jokes funny and I hope you do, too. I know we all need a laugh now and then when dealing with this difficult condition and all the doctors appts. we have to endure.

Angie


What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky



Warning Signs that you need a new Doctor:


- The patient before you was a goat.

- Instead of anesthetic he has you watch PBS.

- He has an assistant named Igor.

- The local bar association named him "client of the year."

- Whenever he leaves the room his nurse makes duck noises.

- During surgery he has to keep repeating that "thigh bone connected to the knee bone" song.

- Mike Wallace and a film crew are hanging out in his waiting room.

- He asks you to turn your head and cough during an eye exam.

- You can beat him in a game of Operation.

- All his Medical books are from the Time-Life "Do-it-Yourself Series".

- He has an office sharing arrangement with a mortician.




Three elderly ladies were at the doctor for a cognitive reasoning test.

The doctor says to the first gal, "What is three times three?" "297," was her prompt reply. "Ummm humm," says the doc.

The doctor says to the second lady, "It's your turn now. What is three times three?" "Friday," replies the second lady. "Ummm humm..."

Then the doc says to the third, "Okay, mam, your turn. What's three times three?"

"Nine," she says. "That's wonderful!" says the doc. "Tell me, how did you get that?"

"Simple," she says, beaming... "I subtracted 297 from Friday!"



Teacher: Johnny, please use the word “benign” in a sentence.

Johnny: Yes, ma’am. “I’m going to “benign” in September.”



Things Not to Hear During Surgery

Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that....uh....that uh....thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Darn, there go the lights again.

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em.

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!



What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck
Cramp-fasciculation syndrome: a treatable hyperexcitable peripheral nerve disorder.
Neurology. 1991 Jul;41(7):1021-4 Tahmoush AJ, et al.
"muscle aching, cramps, stiffness, exercise intolerance, and peripheral nerve hyper excitability"
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Re: Jokes

Postby TattooedMommy on March 15th, 2008, 7:25 pm

hilarious angie. i love the beef jerky. lol- i think laughter is medicine, keep it up pleaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeeeee!!!! :mrgreen:
"I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed".
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Re: Jokes

Postby justcindy on March 16th, 2008, 8:55 pm

Thanks for the laughs today---my favorite was "okay, now can you make his leg twitch" :lol:
Cindy
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Re: Jokes

Postby paulreason on March 24th, 2008, 8:05 am

Very funny,mmm come to think of it my Doctor............
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