HELP, HELP, PLEASE HELP

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HELP, HELP, PLEASE HELP

Postby 25 on August 2nd, 2003, 7:40 pm

I know I've written about this before, but I really don't know what to do!

I keep looking at my thigh "dent" and it seems bigger (than it was a few days ago). I am totally freaking out! I've been working out more than usual and my legs ache a lot (of course the left one-the one w/ the dent in it, hurts more), it's that dull kind of pain. I swear I think it's atrophy.

My husband is so tired of me! He went as far as going to the library and getting me an anatomy book to show me the way leg muscles are and to tell me that this cannot be atrophy. I still think it is but am terrified to go to a dr. I don't want to go!

When I run my hand across the dent, I can actually feel a breaking in the muscle (unless they're 2 different muscles??). It's totally scary. And I actually read a few posts where als started w/ thigh atrophy. They said atrophy came first, weakness second.

Someone please reassure me! What do I do? How do I deal w/ this? Why do I read those *beep* als stories????? (I never used to before) I just feel like I am dying and I don't want to!

I am sorry I am like this, but I don't know where else to turn. Everyone thinks I'm overreacting! I showed it to my aunt and she said "hm, maybe you were born w/ that (!!!!!!?)."

How would I know if it's something BAD? I had an emg done (at the other leg) 3 wks into the twitching, it's been 5 months.....Now I keep thinking maybe they did it too early, maybe this, maybe that.....I know I don't want to go back so please don't suggest that. Suggest anything else.......

Sandra
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Postby Jenn311 on August 2nd, 2003, 10:52 pm

Sandy.


You really need to go see the doctor...not because you are dying,...but because it is the only way you are going to stop freaking out. I am sure that if you really had a huge amt. of atrophy in one leg you would of course be experiencing weakness by now. You would be falling down left and right. Do yourself a favor and stop visiting the ALS sites. If you look closely at the pictures of how your muscles are formed in your legs then you will see that there are places for muscles to have dents naturally, esp. if you go looking for it. Perhaps it is from an old injury....that is a MUCH more likely scenario than you having ALS. Your chances of having it, esp. after a clean EMG (yes, even at only 3 weeks), are infintely small.

I went to the doctor last week freaked out because one of my calfs was noticably smaller than the other. She looked at it, agreed with me, measured it, and said yes, it was unusual, but I didn't have ALS. Perhaps a back injury of some sort? She seemed mostly unconcerned. She told me flat out "This is not ALS". And I never even got an EMG. Don't let your mind play tricks with you....you are fine. As humans we always assume the worst....I think it must be a survival instinct left over from the cave man days when being prepared for the worst was integral to staying alive.

You are fine. Tell yourself that until you can go see a doctor. You will drive yourself and everyone else crazy if you don't.

Jen
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Postby kim on August 3rd, 2003, 10:00 am

Hi Sandra!

I have found dents and dings in my thighs since this twitching started too. I am not sure if they were always there or not, because I didn't start checking until AFTER the twitching started.

I do know however that there ARE seperations of the thigh muscles that can be noticed through site and touch. I also know that cellulite can appear out of nowhere, it seems, and give you the same look and feel of denting. Also I have been told that an injury such as a deep bruise can cause denting, and it may not be noticable for years.

Take all this into consideration, along with your clean EMG, and I'll bet the farm you're just fine!

I am a worrier by nature, I have always been rather obsessive about my health. I am finding that I should be more worried about my mental status than my physical! If we continue to examine, self diagnose, and worry endlessly, we are not doing our selves or our families any good. We are all headed for the mansion in the sky (hopefully). We can't stop it. Why waste so much of this prescious life worrying? Live happy and worry free. You don't get a second chance!

This is something I am working on every day, and I am MUCH better off for it!

Kim
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Postby Jenn311 on August 3rd, 2003, 10:17 am

Great post Kim! You are right about working on mental health...I need to do more of that as well. It's all such a mind game.

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Postby 25 on August 3rd, 2003, 11:22 am

Thank You BOTH for replying! I know I need to stop this. I truly cannot live like this! The past 5 months have been pure hell! If it's not one symptom, then it's another!

I remember when I was looking at my calves (they are developed differently), then at my arms, then my throat started being tight, now this!! It seems that it never ends.

I do keep thinking of my clean emg and that makes me feel somewhat better (especially after the carolmarie thing), and I can still exercise and stuff (even though this leg feels weird eversince I saw the dent), but I cannot help but worry. At times it seems that it's overwhelming.

Jenn, I am too afraid to see a dr right now. Honestly, I would rather suffer than hear something I don't want to. I don't know if that makes sense, or if I'll feel this way a wk or a month from now, but it's the way I feel today. I know I feel better when I am around people so I'll try and do that.

Honestly, I've never looked at my thighs before (closely anyhow) and that's what scares me! I wish I had! At times I think I'm going crazy! Like I cannot stay away from the mirror!

Anyhow, thanks again and thanks for letting me vent. I truly feel that this site is the only place where I can.

God Bless,
Sandra
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Postby kim on August 3rd, 2003, 3:33 pm

If you don't want to see a Dr., consider seeing a Psyhcologist. You don't have to be CRAZY to see one. You just need someone to help you put things into perspective. It seems as though we have a lot in common as to how we are reacting to our BFS. I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. (Obsessing over my health) I'm not a "Nut Job". I just have a hard time overcoming my health related fears. It is a very common disorder, and if you can work through the fears, your quality of life will improve greatly!

P.S. I also am taking meds to help me along. Even though at one time I was afraid to take medication for fear of what "reaction" might happen to me. I am happy to say the medication was a complete God Send for me!

Wishing you peace!

KIm
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Postby tlotoxl on August 3rd, 2003, 5:40 pm

plus i read today that studies have shown that antidepressants protect the brain (well, the hippocampus) from degeneration. that's not a bad thing. maybe it's time for me to go chemical! ;)
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