Unfortunately, back in panick mode again

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Unfortunately, back in panick mode again

Postby Katie on May 15th, 2003, 1:36 pm

Hi all,

Well, after several months of good mental health and putting the twitching in perspective [and thinking that the bad & worried thoughts were behind me], I am back in depressed & panicked states. Twitching aside [which quite honestly, I welcome it when I twitch in one foot, and then an arm, and then a toe, because I then realize it's nothing but BFS] -- my left leg last night felt "weird". Can't really explain it but it just felt like there was an underlying zzzzzzzzzzzzz going on or something. Then today, I was walking my baby son to a park and I could swear that my left leg felt weak, or strange at best.

Two days ago, I was convinced I had ALS again. Today, I'm convinced I have MS. I'm terrified again. Going to a neuro AGAIN tomorrow. Here we go again.

I realize that when I get into this spin, that I may as well be sick because I am living my life as if I am. Every moment I have with my son -- who is my world -- is spent with the fear in my head that I will either be a disabled mom [and therefore worthless to him] or that I won't be around too much longer. It's a terrible way to live.

So why do I do it? Well, I thought I had gotten better, but when these other symptoms flare up [other than the twitching, which includes hand tingling, numbness, at night, joint pain and stiffness in my hands, and this strange feeling in my left leg], I just lose it. I become desperate. I even made a phone call to some expensive holistic dentist in NY state to set up an appointment to immediately have all the metal fillings in my mouth removed pronto. [I read recently that they are linking metal tooth fillings to MS.] I wonder if I'll ever be normal and non-hypochondriacal again. Something tells me it will never be like it used to be, when the worst thing that happened to me was the common cold. Why does hypochondria start at all? There has to be an emotional component to this -- I became hypochondriacal when I get married over 2 years ago and it's only gotten worse since my son was born 9 months ago.

Then I worry that all this worrying can or will cause an illness. And that's just another worry.

This board is great -- I'm so grateful for the support. Glad to see there are others out there feeling the same thing. I can't really share it with anyone around me -- I think that my husband is kind of tired of hearing about it and doesn't say a whole lot if I mention it.

Thanks.
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Postby KERRI on May 15th, 2003, 2:49 pm

i feel for you, I am in the same boat, let me know what the neuro says.

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Postby Jenn311 on May 15th, 2003, 3:34 pm

Wow Katie...

I could have written that post, your story sounds so similar! Just replace leg with left hand...

It seems to me that the better my life is going and the more I have to live for (ie my kids), the more I worry about something going wrong. It's almost like I feel that everything is going so right, something bad has to happen now! All the movies follow that plot don't they?

But that weird feeling you are getting MAY be that you are paying such close attention to that one part of your body that you have become fixated. It's known as somatization. It's a kind of hypochondria. You are looking and waiting for something to go wrong, and so you are having physiological exacerbations. That's just a thought.

Good luck at the neuro...let us know how things go~
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Postby Floater on May 15th, 2003, 8:39 pm

all your worries can manifest and make you physically ill..relax...your muscles are in a hyperexcitable state already. worrying does nothing good for you... think about it.... :wink:
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