a new found problem with a lack of courage

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a new found problem with a lack of courage

Postby dryden on February 19th, 2003, 1:51 am

About 8 months ago i got my first twitch. I was in Japan and living it up! I told a couple of my friends and they said "yeah! We got twitching in our eyelids too!" I was like cool, im alright then, it must be the bad pollution/too much smoking aorund me thing.

Started getting chest pains, saw the japanese drs., who gave me all these tests and said everything was perfect, "your in excellent health!" Fine.
Come back to the states see my Dr. plus 2 other Dr.s (neurology included) and they said pretty much the same thing, and I also got some pep talks! (hahah) After a total of 8 dr visits and "your in perfect health" I decided to see someone else with higher qualifications...
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who gave me some vit. B complex, said "don't worry so much." it helped and im still on it. I said to the dr. "its still not stopping but it reduced it a bit" he said alright go to this neourologist, and I did and she gave me that ALS exam. She assured me its BFS, great.

Just turned 24, Graduated from College in a time of torubles and a down economy. I've been job hunting but havent even gotten one interview yet! Stressful yes.. I also lack courage to make phone calls to these people to followup. Im an entry level programmer and now im confused as what to do with my life? I need work or soemthing...I sit in my room and surf the web/play games. I lack local friends. And I got my parents who overcare (where they kinda insult me to get me off my buttocks) for me.<BR>
The neorulogist also gave me Neurontin 300mg to take 3x a day. Lately I have been getting lots of bloody noses (dunno if that a side effect I hope it is!!!!) which I never ever do! prior 1 year ago I could def say I dont get one for every two years.
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I cant take iniative. Does anyone know where or what I can do? I dont have a part time job, and I know that could help a bit but I dont want to work at some Best Buy or supermarket. I got a BA and a BS degree! heheh. Im thinking of working in Japan as an English Teacher (but Korea worries me). Geez I could blab on forever I dont think anyone would care. I do b$#%h and complain a lot about how much my life sucks and my friends say I am to hard on myself, i just cant believe them. I dunno..
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Anyways Im looking for suggestions where I could get my act in gear, something that will get me pumped and keep me pumped. People suggest things and sure they help but they only last for a day at most. and I dont like taking drugs,(wanna get off this stupid neourontin garbage) I dont drink coffee, I dont smoke. However I do like Green Tea and I highly recommend it. :D (not that Lipton Garbage like REal tea from ASia).
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WEll I thank the people for this website, its really great, its soothing to read someof the things on these forums, kinda funny and a little depressing.. (I like that post on BFS faq, "where does twitching occur?" Ill just leave it at that).
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Thanks though. Appreciate it!
-John
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Postby SusanSid on February 19th, 2003, 2:20 am

Hello John,

I'm not a doctor, nor a therapist, just someone who suffers from BFS which still has moments where it really scares me. If I were to put my thumb on things, I would think that you may be depressed. The lack of desire, motivation, why bother etc. are classic symtpoms. Perhaps meds would help, perhaps therapy is only needed. Needless to say, anything is worth a try. Maybe it's the winter, who knows.
I think a lot of us have been in your shoes. Don't give up, look for some help and use us as a means of support. You're going to be fine, hang in there..
Sue
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Postby javens on February 19th, 2003, 6:20 pm

Hi John,
I struggled with some depression at the beginning of all my sx's. I havent had it lately. You need to remember that if YOU don't live your life then no one will. If it really interferes with your life talk with your dr. about it.
I was also curious about what all your symptoms are? I actually went to my Dr. with Chest pain as one of my first symptoms. He said that it was costochondritis. What were your first sx's and what sx's do you still have?
thanks,
Javens
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Postby Davidd on February 19th, 2003, 10:56 pm

John--

Nice msg you wrote...I think everyone hear can understand how you feel to some degree. I'm 28, work in Manhattan and go to grad school part time..and I also have these dreaded twitches! The lack of desire and depression that the twitches cause can be absolutely enormous. Even though we've been to the doctors and been told we're healthy, the twitches we feel can be alarming...because it is an odd sensation that we are not used to and frankly, is not "normal". I went through a period of time last year where I could hardly function...it isn't fun...

The good news for you is that you are healthy and have a decent educational background. I know the economy still needs to pick up but rest assured it will at some point, so hang in there. Have you considered temp work in the mean time?

So how do you get yourself out of this "funk"? Good question...each of us is different. All I can say is that you will get out of it...maybe with the help of a professional or maybe just through yourself. Try to remember that a twitch is just a twitch and nothing more...it's not good or bad...it just is...and most importantly, try not to let it interfere with your life! We're all here to help so keep on writing!!

Keep us posted!

--David
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Postby dryden on February 20th, 2003, 3:57 pm

Depression? mmm Thats a not an unlikely possibility but not sure... My Dr. had orignally prescribed Zoloft (alongside the Vitamin B Complex) but I declined to take it since I am not into drugs, especially an anti-depressent. I figured I have a will and I can make it stronger than any drug could. (But I haven't done so haha) Perhaps I will ask him again about it when I go see him. Thanks for the reply Ill try to follow up on the suggestions.

As to regards about my symptoms. hmm, I origianlly had chest pains only in one location. I also had an ongoing left eye-lid twtich (may I say I had never-ever twitched in my life so when this happened after a while I decided that it was too odd, so I sought some assistance).

The chest pain was something like this. It was just above my heart, upper left part of my chest area, kinda near my nipple (just above it actually) It was like a quick shock to the always exact location (well maybe?) and it sent out this quick shockoutwards kinda like a radar beacon would (bing bing) it would happen every 3-5min throughtout the day except when I went to sleep. It didnt occur when I slept(or did it?) for i never noticed it. I don't know what it was called becuase the Japanese Dr's gave me a Japanese name for it (i forgot what it was something do to with shinkeitsu). So i began to increase my sleep (as reommended) to the normal sleeping hrs 8 or so and eat 3 good meals a day. It lasted for a month or so before stopping. It didnt return until I got back to the States. But I knew how to stop it now. However it was a little more severe while back home. I had gotten about 2 times a shock from the spot up to left part of my brain and ouch that hurt.. i really paniced then. I also blanked out once while driving.. that was totally uncool. (never has happened againt though, although I doo feel light headed from time to time).

during the summer I had crazy twtiching sessions in specific parts of the body. Perhaps today Id twtich just on my left side of the cheek, and tomorrow my right thigh near the kneecap, and the next day my left pointer finger will jerk back and forth. But those kinda twtiches have stopped now. I get totally random twtiches. Mabe my thing for a quick twtich then my toe, or my bicep. I dunnno somewhere anytime for a quick duration but occuring every 1-3 mintues. I love it when my buttcheeks shake that is totally wierd...thank god nobody picks up on these things.

However these days i do get a muscle spasm here and there. Usually when I go to sleep. Lying down in bed trying to fall asleep ill start to drift off and then bam! My whole body will jolt. Like your having a dream where ur about to fall down a stair case and again bam! u jolt yourself like its actually happening. Thats supper annoying! ITs freaky too. Sometimes it happens during the day but very rare (1-2 a month it will happen in the daytime)

Other than that those are my ongoing symptoms. I cant say i have gotten beter. I will say that things have changed as u can see but they arent worse or better.. just wierd man.

Yeah I gotta get a groove on. But people have all these suggestions and they are so different and boy I dunno which one to go by. They are all so good. Some say I should just go to Japan others say start your programming career and then try to go to Japan. Others say Grad school these are bad times. Maybe become a professor at a school. Oh man. they are great ideas and I got motivation but the thing about that is that If i cant do it to the best i dont think ill do it. I cant live in my home home anymore cuase I find I twitch the most here so Im thinking i gotta get outta here but Id hate to leave the family.. oh goodness.. Asia is so far away too.. but i wanna be fluent in Japanese.. I wanna be good at computers too.. but getting both worlds seems incredibly difficult. Things change so rapidly.

I havent taken a temp job or anything cuase I dunno.. im just like geez god I throw my hands up. argh.. frastrating. I wanna work but I dont. I wanna take a trip but i dont have time, or a car, or money. crud yo. This is all messedup.. I dunno how people get by.. hmm ah well i feel like i got all these chains that are pulling me in different directions but when I look there arent any. I know i can just go out and do it but soemthing is holding me back. I wish I could just be wild instead of this studis listen to everyone be polite and gentle and not-anger anyone passive type person. Im not quick to re-act towards peoples inflictions on me and when things get rough (as in someone gets angry) i tend to step down (however when someone pushes me tooo much Ill blow up however Ive only seen that happen like 3-4 times in my life... and that was at my ex who was just being obserdly ridiculous) Im easy to be taken advantage of.. Im the kinda guy who is always somehow free and is waiting for people. Ill wait an hr for you cuase I have nothing better to do.

Anyways thanks for the replys. Appreciate it. Yeah.. good stuff. I didnt think id get a response so quickly. :) nice people dunno how you can reply to so many people with all the same type problems... best part your not paid.. I find a lot of people these days doing things only becuase they get paid, otherwise forget it.. and I thinks stupid annoying.. like the other day it snowed a lot and my neighbors are friends of parents , their somewhat old (2ppl) and I felt bad so Iwas gonna help them but my parents insisted only to help if they paid me. What the hell is that? And this whole finding a career thing, everyone says u gotta buff up your resume and make it like god mode or soemthing (a little lie here and there (well not a lie but make it look biggger than it is) and your likely to get a job, and they are probably right, friends tell me they work with idiots but they had great resumes and can really talk to the talk. crud, I dont go that. Ill only say what I truly have and when they call (oh man I turn into garbage then) I cant react quick enough with good answers due to NERvousness... hahah alright again im going off the wall here.

Thanks! appreciate it once again.
-John
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suggestions t help you cope

Postby izzie on February 23rd, 2003, 4:51 am

John,
I am a psychiatrist and I would hazard a guess that you have become depressed and or you are suffering from anxiety. You may benefit from an antidepressant, I would take one if I were you. They are not addictive and it is not a sign of weakness to take them. In addition I would strongly advise you to see a psychologist/ psychotherapist for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to enable you to find a way forward. I think you need to do both to see results and finally try to get out and be with other people I find that helps me.
good luck
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Postby TimJA on February 23rd, 2003, 9:04 pm

I would definitely try Zoloft if I were you. Trying it doesn't mean you'll be on it for life. You may like it, you may not.

I've used it myself during deeply challenging periods of my life and it helped me get out of a rut at least twice.

I'm not on it now and feel no need to be on it now. But it's reassuring to know it's there if I need it.

The old saw about having a "will" assumes that we live in a healthy, natural, non-disfunctional society. While we are better off in many material ways than previous generations, we're also dealing with problems that are a direct result of the artifical nature of the society that we find ourselves in.

There's no harm in using a synthetic drug in that context. Why not fight fire with fire?

Peace....

Tim
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