I know better, but fear caught me again.

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I know better, but fear caught me again.

Postby terry in sf on September 14th, 2014, 7:21 pm

Hi all, I'm an old-timer who has stopped by a couple of times since joining in early 2007. Over the summer I had several emotional issues/losses, and a couple of weeks ago now for some reason I "entertained" the fear I had gone through with all of this way back then. Well, it decided to stay a while, and I am frustrated, and scared.

Twitching in feet and calves, tingly/numb/slight pain in hands and feet, occasional quivers and shakiness. I know this is anxiety. I know I have OCD which started ramping up maybe a month before it started up again (counting, checking, having to do something the "right" way, "or else" something awful would happen). I know I haven't fully processed the emotional things (three pets died unrelated to one another; my father had a heart attack and was hospitalized against his will and things got very ugly; took a week vacation in August to try to recoup and Robin Williams committed suicide; these ISIS beheadings are extremely troubling to me).

And I just CANNOT stop thinking about the fear/worry and absolutely nothing else.

The foot and calf twitching has been present intermittently throughout these 7+ years. I can almost always find a twitch on my foot; the calves less often but sometimes. I generally haven't been looking for or at them and avoided thinking about them. Until recently, for some reason.

Looking back at the 2006-2007 episode, and previous other major health anxiety attacks, they seemed to be preceded by losses, unresolved issues, and/or areas in my life that had become unbalanced. It's almost like going through a health anxiety episode is my way of "coping" with these problems. And it's not a very good coping mechanism.

In the intervening years, I have had two knee surgeries and a (thankfully benign) ovarian endometrial cyst removed, the latter of which in particular was kind of scary, but still not the same kind of scary as this worry thing that looms over every moment.

Anyhow, thanks for listening. :-)
terry in sf
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Re: I know better, but fear caught me again.

Postby guitarguy11 on September 14th, 2014, 7:53 pm

It is amazing and scary what anxiety can do to us as humans. But, we have to be strong. I am sorry for everything that has happened to you recently. It truly sounds like what you are experiencing is anxiety related, and I can attest to what anxiety can do. I was just sitting here at the computer playing guitar staring at my arms shaking trying not to get scared! But, I also know that I have had a busy day, working around the house, exercising etc, so my arms should be a little shaky, but that doesn't stop me from worrying, now does it? My advise to you, and I am trying to take it myself, is keep yourself as busy as you can, it will take your mind off your troubles, at least for awhile.

Take care!
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Re: I know better, but fear caught me again.

Postby Xina535 on September 14th, 2014, 8:51 pm

I am sorry also, for what you went through. I totally understand. I should know better but I too keep letting anxiety rule my thoughts. You are not alone.
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Re: I know better, but fear caught me again.

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