My Pursuit of Happiness...(sorta long)

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My Pursuit of Happiness...(sorta long)

Postby TattooedMommy on December 12th, 2008, 1:19 pm

Hi all, for those that have heard my whole story you may want to just skim over the beginning but for the newbies Im going to start from day one. Oct 2006- I was at the Talladega Race way and I ran out of Lexapro and had been drinking with the bes of them (dehydration, lexapro withdrawal etc). When I got to the race, I felt like crap and I started having a "out of body" panic attack feeling and nausea and confusion. My brother being a police officer and I a nurse found the local "care center" they had at the track- As I suspected "SOMETHING" was going wrong. My bp was sky high, my blood sugar had drop to low 40s and I was severely dehydrated- so after a few i.v's, half a hamburger and a sweet tea- I decided to fight the crowd get in my car and drive home and forget the race as I did.
I got home and got in bed- I was so weak and tired from what had happened at the race and I was laying there in bed with everyone else gone and I remember feeling a "thump thump thump" in my thigh muscle- boy it was annoying but I was like "ok Im dehydrated, it will go away"..then it just exploded all over my body through out the night. I really didnt fixiate on it but I remember wiggling like a wiggle worm all night long thinking HOW ANNOYING IS THIS? OK, well a few weeks past, months, and along came January 31st 2007- I had a horrible viral infection and I was still twitching- I wasn't letting the twitching get to me however I did bring it up to my GP. I asked him if Lexapro could cause body wide twitches- (I didnt even hardly know the term FASCICULATIONS) he said "Could!". I said ok..and went on my way. Baught a bottle of magnesium and tried it and a lot of gatorade and sadly enough I cant remember WHEN but it went away and it stayed away for the longest time and I was NO LONGER ON LEXAPRO either. October 26, 2007 I found out I was pregnant- Everything was fine and dandy besides my anxiety- throwing up everyday (theres dehydration in the picture again) and my OBGYN and Psychiatrist found it safe to put me on Lexapro- Here comes SWEET OLE January the 19th- I was sitting on my couch and "THUMP THUMP THUMP" there went my thigh twitching- I thought, oh no not again. Over night it exploded from my abs, my thighs, my calves, feet, face , buttox, cha cha :oops: you name it- I thought surely this will go away. *NOTE* I had just started Lexapro again and I was severely dehydrated everytime I saw my OBGYN and always had Keytones in my urine which is a huge sign of dehydration ....I threw up on a daily basis and couldnt hold down my own spit it seemed along w/ the terrible sinus issues I had along with it. Well, Well, January the 19th that evening I decided to google "twitching". Do I need to say where that lead me? I think we all know.
January 19th I TOTALLY LOST MY LIFE and the ENJOYMENT OF MY PREGNANCY. I wanted to die- I didnt want to die a slow death I just wanted to die and let it be over with and not suffer from this HORRID Disease I had just read about . Luckily somewhere, I found Benign fasciculation syndromes which seemed to "fit my pic" a little more than the "other pic". The twitches jumping from various muscles groups and ceasing when in use and increasing after exercise. Could I be rational though? "HECK NO". I thought my life was over with. Then I found this board. What a God SEND. I found some wonderful people whom have most moved on now- They reassured me at the age of 28 and the presentation of my problem it was nothing more than BFS. I have to thank a few people especially SEANRBLOCK because he basically saved my life and sanity. Infact if I had NOT been carrying a innocent baby who is now 5 months almost 6 months old now I would probably not be here. I worked hospice and I had seen to many slow painful deaths including my own grandmothers in January.... and my close close last hospice patient in Feb. I kept reminding myself how (uggh at this moment my thigh is firing away, it must be power of suggestion) lol Anyhow I kept reminding myself how I was telling my patient whom always called me a health nut and hypochondriac how I thought I had Lou Gherigs disease one time because I was twitching all over but it went away- though he was on his death bed he laughed at me as he always did and said "Dee , You'll live to be 110 because you always think your dying and fear the worse." He always asked how I could be so strong for others yet always see the glass half empty for myself.
Well I called my GP because I was interested in the last time I saw him and if he had noted that I mentioned I was having widespread twitching. Sure enough it was noted January 31st 2007 I had braught that up in his office. So I knew I had it once and it had come and gone and I was still alive and I knew I had baught magnesium and even joked with my patient about me being a hypochondriac. Well I made another appt. with my GP and I tried so hard to hide my anxiety-I was there again for a cold and ok I'll admit a lump on my ankle I thought was cancer- merely he looked at my ankle and laughed and said "no thats not tissue but a injury and torn sheath"..while I was there I braught up my twitching again and said I was scared to death because I had googled. He looked puzzled and said "what are you scared of ?" I said "Hellooo, ALS". He said "no no no no"....doesnt present like this. Here I am 3 months or so pregnant and I said can you please just do a strength test and check reflex's..he concured. He said I was strong as a OX even as preggo as I was. I did the leg lifts against pressure and the works. He said "Its not als, its anxiety, and the lump is not cancer, but soft tissue injury" and here is a script to see a psychiatrist- Well No worries doctor, I already had a appt. that afternoon with one. Fast forward- got a laugh out of my psychiatrist and he said he would call my obgyn to discuss some medication for me to take.
Got a laught out of my obgyn that I thought I had ALS and then approval for klonapin. That worked for about 2 weeks then I totallllly broke down and called a neurologist (cheif of the neurophysiology department at our university) and the poor nurse on the phone was so scared of my well being when I called and the concern of my unborn child that she spoke to the neuro herself and worked me in w/in the next 30 mins. I got there- lah-de dah, full neuro exam, brisk reflex's through out and symmetrical which scared me to death but she said was total normal for a person who was on pins and needles like I was and in tears and freaking out during the exam.
I was breaking my neck to see my sheet- Strength 5/5 , Tongue Midline, Facial strength, Tone, brisk reflex throughout (normal) etc.
Then the neuro came in and said "what are you afraid of, whats going on" I told her how I twitched in random spots all over my body head to toe and I was so scared I had "ALS" she smiled and said "noooo, not als"...then she scooted her seat up to me and hit me w/ this rubber hammer a few times and said clinically I cannot diagnose with BFS because I cannot even see a fascic. :roll: but she said "as you have described, you are describing twitches and fascics therefore I am going to dx with BFS and anxiety". She called for my labs from my obgyn but didnt want to draw anymore blood as I had just done a full lab with o.b and I am anemic. She said we can do the golden seal for ALS the EMG..but you dont need it. However if you want it, we can do it. I looked at her and said "With PEACE in YOUR MIND AND WITHOUT A DOUBT" do you think I need it. "she said firmly, No, you have BFS". Ok so I was fine and dandy and slept good for two weeks then I freaked out AGAIN! This time I called at about 3.5 to 4 months into twitching and I just asked could I PLEASE have just another neuro exam to see if my strength had changed- They got me right in (THE HYPOCHONDRIAC) and w/out even a warning they sent me off to the EMG room. I was like "Umm can I call my mom, or husband, or someone pleasE", she said "no, your fine, I just want to show you"! The neuro herself performed the EMG, she did 10 to 14 muscles with re insertions and assured me I did not have ALS but BFS and barely at that. She found one fascic and described to me that NOT EVERYTHING twitch I feel is a fascic etc. She said 110% no ALS and she knew ALS and unforunately had patients with it- She went on by saying NEVER has she seen a patient present w/ fascics alone and most dont know they are fasciculating- she never used the word twitch- because she said a "twitch" is different then a rolling fascic.
Anyhow-I was fine w/ it and went on to have a healthy beautiful baby. Oh yes, you can see through my posts I've had HORRID relapses- most I could prob relate to pregnancy issues , dehydration etc. but I had let the stupid internet POISON MY BRAIN with HORRID HORRID thoughts and what "IFS". Even after I had been cleared and had my EMG report in my hands that said "ABSOLUTELY NO EVIDENCE OF ANY NMD INCLUDING LOU GHERIGS!". I have my EMG on here somewhere.
My point- Up until about 2 weeks I LOST A YEAR OF MY LIFE due to this stress of nothing- Anxiety Anxiety Anxiety- This isn't my first anxiety go around, definately not. Scariest, Yes. I have bouts of "I feel weird" , my hands fall asleep quick, or cramp but most of that has subsided- I have been shot down by neuro's...so has my suspected atrophy I swore I had.
Every place on my body has twitched at one point or another- EVEN THE TIP OF MY TONGUE. That was recent- 3 weeks ago- hasn't happened since- Yes old neurology didnt understand how the tongue could twitch and be benign but 2008 entering 2009 there are hundreds and thousands of accounts of tongue twitching being benign. I have been blessed to only have seen the tip ONCE. I've had alllllll the symptoms we most of all had. I've thought I was slurring, I thought my leg was weak, my shoulder, my face , my tongue- but it has all migrated and passed such as these twitches-
I work out daily now and bust my *beep* on the tread mill- my twitches have reduced greatly and this year I have decided at the end of DECEMBER thats it with BFS starting NOW and any of my WORRIES- It just not gonna consume me anymore- I have to much to be thankful for.
As a poster said earlier- they were almost thankful for their twitches as they knew and it was like telling them "hey im here and Im working and your functioning and theres nothing going on here, be thankful!".
I have a beautiful daughter through all this- 2009 I am not wasting another breath of this worry. Its bfs and thats it. I've had it before it went away- a twitch is a twitch- some have it worse than others some are on the low end- either or- be thankful- it could be worse.
As I move on, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year and Make your 2009 resolution WORRY FREE!!!!!

WARM WARM REGARDS, DeeDee
"I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed".
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TattooedMommy
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My Pursuit of Happiness...(sorta long)

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