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My three year mark

PostPosted: May 8th, 2015, 1:07 am
by Kev74
Well my three year BFS anniversary came in went last March or April (I forget which one). Just a quick back story on how mine started. It's just as much a tale about anxiety as it is about BFS. In spring of 2012 I was had a severe panic attack, I've never had one quiet like that before or since. At the time I didn't know why I had a panic attack, it just seemed to come out of the blue. I wasn't feeling particularly anxious that day. In retrospect there was a lot of things going on in my life around that time and I guess all the anxiety quietly built up and manifested itself in a panic attack. Oddly enough this seemingly trivial event started a downward spiral that took me almost 2 years to fully recover.

I've always been the nervous sort and suffered from mild social anxiety. It prevented me from doing many things but never stopped me from functioning in daily life. When this happened tho, I was so afraid that it would happen again that I inadvertently made things worse for myself. Immediately after this event I lost my appetite for several weeks, I literally had to force myself to eat and even then it was a only a little bit at a time. I went through a period where I couldn't feel anything emotionally, not happiness, not sadness, not anything. I would be out and see people enjoying themselves and laughing and it was like I was outside looking in through a window. I felt like an emotional void and wondered if I would ever feel normal again.

Then I developed severe insomnia. I never had insomnia in my life and here I was staying up all night for days on end, this of course made my anxiety worse. Then the twitching began. It started with my little pinky finger then I began to twitch all over, especially in my calves. Of course I Googled twitching and you can guess what came up. This freaked me out even more. It was at this point that I developed severe health anxiety. To make a long story short, I visited the doctor more times in those two years than in all my life combined. They never found anything, but that didn't stop me from worrying. I was convinced something had to be wrong with me. During this period I had all sorts of symptoms besides twitching, too many to name. I had fatigue, my legs felt like jello, I had weird aches in pains in my body that would lasted for awhile then disappeared. I felt like I was falling apart. I was also losing weight. Right now I'm probably around 200lbs, but then I was down to around 166lbs. I became a full blown hypochondriac.

It was by far the most difficult period in my life bar none. It was my own personal hell. There were times I didn't think I was going to make it. Some of the things that helped me to get through it was reading a lot of self help books about stress and anxiety, my faith, and this site of course which gave me comfort. And one of the other major things that helped me was time. Things didn't turn around over night, it was a slow process. But it's true what they say, time does heal all.

Today I'm in the process of getting my life going in the right direction. For the longest it was stagnant and not going anywhere. The muscle twitching is still around, but it has diminished considerably since then except on occasion. Like today and yesterday my thigh has a hot spot, though I believe lack of sleep and stress triggered it.

Anyways I just wanted to check in and maybe encourage someone else whose going through a rough time now. And thanks for those on this forum that helped to ease my fears early on.