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My Story

PostPosted: October 25th, 2008, 12:21 am
by Koqie
This has been going on for about 3 and a half months now. The body twitches don't disturb me as much as the facial twitches do. I am only 18 and living with severe anxiety. Nobody really knows it because I do a good job of hiding my emotions from others. I have thought about suicide but can not because it is against my religion. So then I thought about joining the armed forces and putting my self in a predicament, that there is no chance of me getting out alive. Every day i live with the fear of dying (yes, I know it is self contradicting). I have a phobia of sleeping because I have a fear of never waking up, so it has been hard for me to go to sleep lately. I have strong and sometimes visible palpatiations throughout my body. A close friend of the family just died and that just made me realize even more how precious and short life really is. The twitch that worries me the most is around the mouth area and by the chin. I talk to people at the gym and mostly all twitch after a workout on there body. I fear that I slur my words, even though i'm not, so sometimes i will talk to myself and repeat things. I am just a nervous wreck. I was taking un-perscribed alprozalam for a while but stopped. I work out frequently and have not noticed any weakness/atrophy. If anything I am gaining muscle. Right not I have this eye quiver thing going on, twitches by the calves and twitches above the lip and sometimes under the lip.

I have thought of getting an emg but fear the result. I figured that if i have this disease what is the point of getting tested, I will die anyways.

Throughout this entire experience I have really started questioning my religion and the afterlife and God. I have to get in touch with myself once again spiritually. This has been all part of my depression/anxiety.